Update and rambles

Today was another day of watching my sister fight but no changes in her status other than her blood work is clear enough to ween her off of the coma inducing medications tomorrow and then we will see how her body copes. They have allowed her body a few days to cope with the recent traumas so as long as the seizures don't start up again the feel hopeful about getting her closer to home again real soon. I am sad to say that taking her completely home may not be an option at this point however getting her into the same nursing home as grandpa is a major possibility at this point and one that I will be looking into further as time progresses. Grandpa is looking at being moved back to the home by the mid next week so we are hoping to have them reunited by the end of the following week.
I did have an unexpected visitor today when Jenn's ex showed up at the hospital holding a letter from my sister that had been sent out a few weeks ago and even though I wanted to through him out, I have so far followed Jenn' wishes of him staying. I also received a phone call from my cousin Chandra who has also received a letter and will be arriving tomorrow as requested by my sister. I have no clue why my sister has requested them but considering today has been a day of little understanding of my sister, I will just go with it as that is all I can do now. I have no doubts in my mind that my sister has some kind of plan for things as she always appeared prepared for everything but I am worried that she just cant let go. That she has fought for us for so long that she is stuck here fighting for a family that I feel might not even exist anymore but she doesn't even know it. I feel so alone here and am not sure that I can handle talking to those that my sister loved anymore which is partially why I have resorted back to this as well. As I continue reading back through my sister's life, I realize that I of all people, have the least right to be here. I have allowed my sister to go through more pain than anyone in my family and even when I knew she was being beat or hurting, I just pretended I never saw it and watched her suffer. I never defended my sister and yet whenever I fell she was there to pick me up. It never mattered that we weren't full blood or that I didn't care for her at the time, she was there and that is what makes her so different. In updating these people, some of them have grown close to me and I feel now that I am nothing more than a fake and I have fought with that all day. Sure I have grown to love and have had the chance to prove true to Jenn since July but I could never expect her to except 8 months of kindness in return for 20 years of bitterness. So I will apologize for the silence now but I feel that constantly talking to people Jenn loves and love her back and trying to make the right choice are just too much for me and I need to really focus here. I don't know what it is that Jenn would have wanted me to do right now but for some reason she did trust me with that choice in the end. Now I just have to figure out why and what is the best choice. I think that with that I better go. I'm sorry if I don't make sense but after 6 months of this constant battle, who could even begin to make sense. I really just want to go home and for Jenn to be there waiting when I get there.